Jan's Plan

Friday, September 11, 2009


Dear HB,

I saw you from afar today, clutching that bag of yours without a care.  From distance, you seem detached from happenings around you, maybe you have always been that way.  Things just move along, for you, don't they always?

Our yesterdays were short and few, but they were the lowest and darkest of valleys I've crossed.  There were so many nights a "NO" would never be understood.  There were so many times a "STOP" would make you hurt me harder.  And it was almost always a sob from me would only warrant a shrug and smirk from the devil in you.

I came out from the doctor's office this morning, clutching the report tightly.  Is life precious? Or only as precious as falling petals?


Wednesday, September 9, 2009


There are times in life when we wished for mistakes to be undone. But sadly, some knots just cannot be untied.

There are moments in time when we wished for feelings to be healed. Yet it will be with regret that some cracks are too wide to be sealed.

There are memories we wish to forget, those of which were forced into our minds, forever scarring our innocence.

I want my life back, but tomorrow will never be the same as the time before I fell for his lies.

I am no more the same Jan. Outside, I will deny ever knowing the existence of this mirror of myself. But here, where the image of me lies in pain, I am still Jan.

He can make his claims, he will attempt to make his amends, or worse, tell stories that shall patronise my tiny voice of conscience. All is fine though, because I know I've bled because of him.

Tomorrow will always be in my plan.

I am back :)


After a distressing relationship with a self-indulging celebrity, during which I stupidly decided to delete my blog for privacy reasons, I am now back.

From today, 090909, you will all see a new Jan, a stronger, better Jan.

Love you all.